THE NERVOUS SYSTEM AND INTIMATE PARTNERSHIP

When we are in the Sympathetic, Overwhelm or Dorsal Vagal states, our body is focused on our personal survival (fight, flight or freeze). This means that our ability to relate to and connect with our intimate partner is limited when we are in these states.

In these states, we are more likely to experience our partner as unsafe, miscommunicate with our partner, experience emotional triggers, and react from an emotional place.

The good news is that we can become more loving, compassionate, playful and peaceful in our intimate relationships when we regulate our nervous system daily and do the following.

Find opportunities to activate the social engagement system and engage in social face-to-face play with your partner. This engages the part of the nervous system that the body associates with safety and calm - and will build resistance to emotional triggers.

Take time out for self-care to reduce your allostatic load (baseline stress level) and move into the Play, Ventral Vagal or Stillness states.

Create a safe space in our partnership to be able to express emotions safely (without projecting onto our partner), and have your partner witness them. This teaches your body that it is safe for us to both express our emotions and to receive those of our partner. This prevents the nervous system from going into a Dorsal Vagal or Sympathetic response.

Each morning, complete a BALANCE exercise each morning to access the Play, Ventral Vagal or Stillness state.

The more flexible and balanced the nervous system is, the better it will be able to self-regulate - making for more enjoyable intimate partnership.