Co-Regulate: 7 Tips to Maintain the Spark in Your Relationship
SOURCE: Getty Images
Even in a world where we can stay connected through the push of a button, it can be difficult to stay present and spend meaningful time with those we love. If you’re experiencing a lack of connection with your partner or want to maintain your connection, here are 7 tips that you can begin using immediately to foster deeper connection and balance for your relationship and each other’s nervous system.
What is Co-Regulation?
Co-regulation is the process by which we regulate our emotions in response to the emotions of others. Because we are fundamentally social beings, the nervous system is designed to be activated by the presence of others and this is why it’s important to monitor your own actions and the actions of those around you.
How Nervous System Dysregulation Affects Relationships
When our nervous system is in a dysregulated state of Sympathetic, Overwhelm, or Dorsal Vagal, our body is focused on personal survival and our ability to relate and connect with our partner is extremely limited. This is what commonly creates tension and miscommunication, triggering reactions from an emotional versus a balanced state.
By regulating our own nervous system daily, we can more easily bring an energy of love, compassion, playfulness, and peace to our relationships. Likewise, there are many ways to regulate your nervous system as a couple and practice healthy co-regulation.
Connecting with Your Partner through Nervous System Regulation
The goal of spending time with your partner should always be to have a positive effect on one another (rather, one another’s nervous system). Spending quality time together will lead to increased levels of oxytocin, sometimes referred to as the “love hormone.” Oxytocin promotes increased dopamine levels, feelings of happiness and pleasure, and greater levels of bonding and trust between partners. In order to reap these benefits, we encourage you to keep the following tips in mind.
7 Tips to Co-Regulate with Your Partner
1 - Put away your devices
This seems fairly obvious, but technology continues to be one of the greatest obstructions to real connection within relationships. Scheduling time without the distractions of phones, laptops, and other devices allows you to communicate fully with one another and actively respond to each other’s needs.
2 - Create a “judgement free” zone
Creating a space where each partner can express their emotions safely (without projecting onto the other) creates an overwhelming sense of safety within the nervous system. This non-judgement zone allows you to bear witness to each other’s emotions and teaches your body that it is safe to both give and receive within your relationship.
3 - Physical Touch
Physical touch such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling creates a strong sense of connection and calm within your partner’s nervous system. These nonverbal communications reassure your partner that it is safe to feel and express themselves around you.
4 - Engage in daily play
Face-to-face socialization and play with your partner engages the part of the nervous system that the body associates with safety and calm. The Play State improves emotional balance and creativity and builds resistance to the fight-or-flight.
5 - Encourage self-care
Encouraging your partner to prioritize their self-care leads to greater ability to care for one another. High levels of stress leads to an overactive and burdened nervous system, which will eventuate to burnout. Encouraging activities that release stress buildup in the nervous system (allostatic load) will keep your partner more engaged from a positive state of Ventral Vagal, Play, or Stillness.
6 - Do a Balance exercise together
Spending a few minutes a day on a somatic balance exercise (like the ones inside the NEUROFIT App) with one another will create a stronger bond and sense of resiliency within your relationship. As you both experience the exercise individually, you will also be able to share with one another and better communicate any feelings and emotions that come up.
7 - Practice Gratitude
Taking time to slow down and show appreciation and gratitude toward your partner greatly rewards their nervous system by creating a strong sense of security, peace, and comfort within the relationship. Without the need of a grand gesture, telling your partner how much you appreciate them at the start or end of the day (or both) is one of the most effective ways to promote healthy co-regulation.
conclusion
No matter what you choose to incorporate from this list, it’s important to adapt to your and your partner’s comfort level. Be sure to give yourself and your partner plenty of time and grace as you begin to implement these practices. Strong communication will help to create the stability and safety your nervous system is seeking.
Get Started with NEUROFIT
Start your 6-week nervous system reset with the NEUROFIT App and experience more balance in less than 5-minutes a day.
